Hi everyone! We haven't spoken since Billy Mays died.

My newgrounds turnout this year has been embarrassing. I've submitted a grand total of 1 flash cartoons this year, and 0 of them were good. I've had so much shitty schoolwork to do I've had practically no time for anything else.

What little time I have had to work in flash, I've been devoting to this commission thing for St. Joe's Hospital. They had made me make some Fire Safety animation for $800. Sounds nice right?

Well I've come to find out from my boss (I work at an animation studio), that I probably could have charged them upwards of $2000. So I didn't just get ripped off, I got raped to death. And the rapist had every known STD. Even the ones that only girls can get.

I had a fantastic idea for a Halloween submission this year. I couldn't wait to get started. It was a sequel to Gone Too Far that would have put the first one to shame (not an overly difficult feat, since I'm not really too proud of it). But because of the workload, I never started it.

I really could have used the money from the Halloween contest too... hopefully I can make it for next year.

A submission to the Winter Flash-Off from me this year looks unlikely. I don't envision the workload getting lighter in time to make any progress on it. (I made last year's Christmas flash in 2 weeks, but it was a pretty exhausting experience that I don't hope to relive.)

At this point, the next thing I'm going to be submitting is Flash Dancer 2. I know I've been promising that since Summer 20-fucking-08, but that's really all I've got on my plate right now.
It's gonna be great, I stand by that. It's the best animation I've ever done. But I won't even tell you how much I've got left...

I don't care if you don't care, I just felt I was doing a disservice by not posting anything since fucking June... a disservice to all 2 of my fans.

Man, the mood of this post is shitty and depressing. Here, this makes it all better:

Poor poor Billy Mays. My television volume will forever be raised 3 clicks.

Yes, its true. Everyone's favorite bearded foghorn has passed away. The man who made the world fall in love with such memorable products as OxiClean, OrangeClean, the Ding King, and Grizzly Bear Anal Beads was found dead in his home this morning.

This is going to make Season 2 of Pitchmen awfully hard to film.

RIP Billy Mays. You sure could yell at me.

which is weird since I've never spoken to him before...

I dreamed that he called me up and was telling me that weather is all a conspiracy and doesn't really exist. And I was like, "Actually, I'm pretty sure weather exists. It ruined my graduation party."

And he was like, "Nah, they're fakin' it." Then there was a long awkward pause. And I said, "Listen, it's the middle of the night... I think I'm gonna head back to bed now."

And then he got real hostile and started saying "Fuck you!" and hung up.

Then I woke up... it was a wet dream.
______________________________________
.

In other news, I seem to have been quite nonexistent on Newgrounds since Christmas. Which means I have a lot of explaining to do. I mean, I've been on here watching, and voting, and reviewing (a little), and stuff but I haven't submitted anything new in waaay too long...

Hopefully that will change now that I'm on summer vacation. I hope to crank out a bunch of flashes by the end of summer, because I'm guessing when school starts again this fall I'm going to have approximately absolutely no free time.... transferring to S.I. Newhouse at Syracuse University... I'm gonna be majoring in TV, Radio and Film, and minoring in Animation. It's always been a goal of mine to get rich in the television industry and spend 90% of my salary paying off college loans.

______________________________________
.

Anyway, although I haven't uploaded anything, that doesn't mean I've been abstinent from Flash. I actually have about 5 things in the works... none of them completely done. I suck in that way. I start new shit before I finish old shit. Sometimes I never get around to finishing the old shit. It's all very shitty.

For example, remember Flash Dancer 2? That sequel to Flash Dancer I started last... August?... The one I promised I'd be done with by 12/16/08? Well I'm still working on it... and not very diligently. I plan to get that finished over the summer. I really mean it this time.
Flash Dancer 2 screenshot
40% done, I'd guess. It's all frame-by-frame at 22 FPS (not on twos) so it's a slow process.

But before that, I'm going to finish this other short little flash I'm working on. If I had the time to work on it, I think I could have it done in a day or two, so that is going to be my first order of business. Here's a screenshot:
Untitled upcoming flash screenshot
I'd estimate it's about 70% done. Hopefully that'll jump up to 100% within the next week or so.

Since January-ish, I've had this great idea for a series called Blasphemy. I even got TomaMoto and Appsro to do voicework for it. If it ever gets done, it will be a massive 10-14 minute movie. Unfortunately, that's looking less and less likely. I'm afraid it might just be too ambitious a project for me... you'll notice I've never done a flash that was longer than 4 minutes...

If I could ever get it done, it would be amazing, and I'm not ready to call it quits on it just yet. So far I have about 1 minute or so of animation done... and I've been working on it since January... see what I mean? By now I had planned to be almost done with it.
Blasphemy screenshot
Around 2.0001873% done.... it's a looooong way off.... X-C

Also, a while ago I thought of a clever idea for a sequel to What All Old People Can Do... I was pretty sure when I first made that I was never going to be able to make a sequel, since it's pretty much a 1 joke thing. Making a sequel would just be retelling the same joke in a different way, and a joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.... but I think I found a way around that. I haven't even begun to work on it yet, but if I ever did I don't think it would take too long. So that may appear sometime in the future.

Last but not least... Halloween 2009. Remember Gone Too Far, my 2008 entry?... Well i gotta be honest with you. I really hate Gone Too Far. It sucks. The story is terrible, there's no style to it, it's just really shitty. I'm not proud of it at all, and even though I wrote "...or is it?" at the very end, I NEVER planned on continuing that story. BLECH! SUCK!!

... but then I got a really good idea for a cartoon and I think I'm going to make a sequel to Gone Too Far now. Rest assured it would be in no way at all like the first one, because the sequel isn't gonna suck.

0% done on both of those so far, but I'll let you know if they ever get started... hopefully not until I finish some of the older shit.

And there you have it. I hope I've made up for my lack of... anythingness since December.

Talk to ya soon.

Your friend and mine,
DonkeysBazooka

I'm done.... 2 excruciating weeks of little-to-no sleep. But I got it in on Christmas Eve so I'm happy :-D

But wow, lol, I got it out on Christmas Eve along with about fourteen million and a half other Christmas Flashes. 2 hours after I uploaded it and its still Under Judgment with only 159 views, haha. It is lost an a vast ocean of spam and people who went "AAGH! IT"S CHRISTMAS! I'VE GOTTA MAKE A FLASH!"

Which is not to discredit the few good ones I've seen come through. There were a few decent flashes that I did my part in helping through judgment. So cheers to them.

Anyway, I am in a tremendous state of relief now. No more deadlines for at least a month. There's not pressure to crank out a flash in a finite amount of time anymore so... y'know... good.

I'll put out another flash soon I'm sure, but at least there won't be a due date breathing down my neck when I make it.

So I'll see you all soon. I'm going to go to bed so I can wake up and open my thousands of presents.

Merry Christmas....

and/or a Happy New Year

Umm... So... last week I found out about the Newgrounds Winter Flash-off.....

I didn't know there was a Newgrounds Winter Flash-off..... I don't remember there being one last year.... is this the first year? Or am I just stupid? Is it both?

So uh... I'm gonna enter the contest... I am currently working on pulling an entry out of my ass amidst all of my final exams, and final projects... I figure if I average 3 hours of sleep a night, I'll be able to pull it off, and maintain at least a fraction of my sanity. I'm rooting for me.

In other news, I no longer work at an animation studio. No I didn't quit, and no I didn't get fired. America's economy has affected me, even though "the fundamentals of the economy are strong." The company usually makes animated commercials and stuff, but no one wants to pay for commercials with the shitty economy, so we are all out of work... hopefully just temporarily until someone wants us to animate something for them. Perfect timing for me to become unemployed: During Christmas break when I don't have to worry about school, and after I just shelled out over $300 on Christmas presents. Who needs a job when I can live in poverty, right?

And uh... remember that time a couple months ago when I was like, "Hey kids! Flash Dancer 2 will be out on December 16th!!! PEnis!"

... well there's a slight possibility that I completely lied about that. Originally I was going to get it done by Dec 16 to hand in for my final project in my animation class. But as time wore on it became increasingly apparent that there was no way in fucking hell I was going to finish it in time. So I shortened it, and put together a version specifically for the class.

In other words... a completed version of Flash Dancer 2 does exist. But it's not the version anyone on Newgrounds is ever going to see. The one you're all going to see is about 2 minutes longer. And I'm back to having no f-wording clue when it's going to be finished..... PEnis!

I'll probably post again next week when I finish my Christmas flash. Which means this particular post will be seen by approxiamately... ooohhh... 3 people including myself?

Yours Truly,
DonkeysBazooka

P.S. I guess I'll include a screenshot of Flash Dancer 2 that actually REVEALS something about what makes it so much different than FD1. Let the speculation commence....

Hello Newgroundsers!

I just submitted my Halloween 2008 entry. It brings wimpy, feminine tears of joy to my eyes to finally be able to say that. Gone Too Far felt like someone has been taking one long shit in my mouth for the last month. The .fla file was clearly cursed.
First of all, I changed the ending of this thing at least 20 times; no exaggeration. I couldn't pick one I liked, and each time had to go back and re-plan and re-structure the whole thing. The hardest part was deciding if I should end it with a funny twist, or do what I set out to do and satisfy Bou1der by keeping it dark and not-funny. At the very end it was a toss-up between what I finally went with, and having Dick Chaney come out of the bushes and be all like, "whoops." That was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life. It was dick.
Then, since I'm so lucky, my tablet broke and began malfunctioning about halfway through production. That was a fun one to deal with. Two words: "Duct Tape"
THEN, when the .fla file got too big, I didn't have enough RAM on my crappy old computer to even work on it! So I bought a brand new computer, but I couldn't work on it on the new computer because it didn't have any of the fonts I used on the old one, and for some reason movie clips weren't publishing! So I had to finish it on my old computer, which took 12 minutes just to Save the damn file!! GAH! I'm getting flash flash backs! Mommy.
Then other reasons yadda yadda yadda you don't care blah blah blah. Enough of my bitching; I'm finally done with it.

And on to more important things:

FLASH DANCER 2 (Working title)

If it's not out by December 16th, then I failed my final project in my web design class. So there ya go. I ball-parked a release date that will sodomize my brain until I finish it. I'm not willing to hand out details, cause I'm into the whole "surprise" thing. I will say this though: It is WAAAAAY more complicated than Flash Dancer 1. The simplicity of the first one is still there, don't get me wrong. The sequel is just a lot bigger and sexier. I leave you all brimming with wonder and suspense, as I'm sure you're all doing right now.

Ehem... uhgoodbye.

and no one cares :-C

.. but for the few of you that do care... here's how I'm staying busy

I. Flash Dancer 2 (working title)
It keeps getting longer. (That's what she said, anyway).
Originally, I had it planned to be about 2 min 50 seconds, but recently I extended it to 3 min 20 seconds.
So the good news is that it's gonna be even better and more entertaining... but the bad news is that its going to take that much longer to come out :-/
I cannot possibly estimate a release date. I'm very inconsistent in terms of how often I work on it, and I've got a few other things I'm working on at the same time, such as...

II. Halloween Flash
I wanted to submit a madness day flash, because I have a really good idea for one.
But it's less than a month away, so I would never have enough time to get it done.
So, I decided I'd set my Bazooka sites on the next contest. Halloween! :-D
Bou1der said he wants a scary one... so I'm striving for scary.
I pretty much never watch horror movies, so this should be all original stuff...
and it probably won't be scary at all... can't blame a guy for trying though, right?
Scary is WAY harder to achieve than funny. People don't scare easy... I mean, I do, but I'm a pussy

III. The Long Go
Now this is something you definitely don't care about. It's the sequel to the live-action movie I made last year.
Last year's project was called The Maimage, and can be found on YouTube.
My friends talked me into making a sequel, and it should be another time-consuming pain in the dickhole.

Other than that... I've got just the other stuff keeping me busy... 2 jobs... college... girlfriend... hating people...

When people see my flashes and say, "You've got too much free time on you hands."
I say, "Suck my balls."

Fuck, I WISH I had free time >:C

P.S. Here's a picture of Flash Dancer 2...

how did this happen? i think my first flash might be a little overrated?