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I plan on animating stuff the rest of my life... sure hope I don't get my hands cut off.... that'd be rough

James Bowman @DonkeysBazooka

29, Male

Animator... fo reelz

you bet

Los Angeles, CA

Joined on 3/30/06

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DonkeysBazooka's News

Posted by DonkeysBazooka - January 14th, 2011


Yeah, so I finally finished the Epilogue for Gone Too Far Too. I actually had it done about 2 weeks ago. I was going to upload it as a separate movie, along with a bunch of Easter Eggs and previews to stuff I'm going to be working on next.

Then I thought, "Fuck that." And I just attached it to the original Gone Too Far Too file, and submitted that to Newgrounds on like... Sunday I think... yeah... and anyway, I couldn't ever watch the epilogue here on newgrounds. It remained as the old GTFT file with the "Coming Soon" sign on the epilogue button. I tried uploading it a couple more times, but to no avail...

Then I received a message from Deathdream, saying it is up and working. Turns out I needed to clear my cache in order to view the new version.... go figure. So ya hear that? Lemme say it again.

If you can't view the epilogue when it gets to the end of the movie, it's because you watch Gone Too Far Too too often, and you need to clear your cache!

If that doesn't work, you might as well kill yourself, because you are REALLY missing out.... no, not really... the Epilogue is a whopping 21 seconds long, and it's just going to piss a lot of you off. But the GTF3 isn't going to make a lot of sense to you if you don't watch it.

ANYWAY!

What's next?

Gone Too Far 3?
Dicks, nah. Don't expect that to be out anytime soon. And I mean don't even expect it out by this Halloween. It's not going to happen in 2011, I can promise you that.

Flash Dancer 2??
Wrong again, stupid! That's dead. Dead as a (this would be a great place to make a joke about the recent trajedy in Arizona, but that would be unspeakably insensitive and evil, so I will do no such thing) dead spider. I meant it when I said I wasn't going to use commercial audio in my flashes anymore. Flash Dancer and its sequel are 100% about commercial audio. I can't pick different music from the audio portal, that's not possible, and plus the music is what makes it great anyway. Soooo... fuck it! I've got a minute and a half of smooooth animation of a poorly designed dancing guy that I don't know what to do with. I'm considering it a waste of space on my hard drive that I'm not going to delete. It's like a cheery little corrupted file that I can watch every so often for nostalgic amusement. Wanna see what I've got done? Yes? You'll get over it.

That Mysterious Web-Series???
Man you are terrible at guessing today. Oh wait... actually yeah. Yes, that's what I'm going to spend my spare time toiling away on for the next several forevers. That's all I'm really gonna say for now. Not because I'm being mendacious, I just really don't have much to say without going off on a tangent. And tangents stink.

A screenshot you ask?
Why sure, I'm feeling generous. I'll give you a screenshot in my next post. I have no idea when that's going to be, but you'll get one! I mean it. Take it easy folks!


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - October 29th, 2010


Just uploaded this.

I suggest you stop reading now. That's definitely the most interesting thing in this news post.

Table of Contents:
Chapter 1: Bitching
Chapter 2: The Story Continues...
Chapter 3: The Last of a Lot of Things
Chapter 4: What's Next
Chapter 6: What Happened to Chapter 5?
Chapter 7: The End
______________________________________
______________
Chapter 1: Me Bitching like a whiny pussy
I just did some MATH. I can't be sure... but if I worked an average of 3 hours a day everyday since May (and I SERIOUSLY think that's low-balling it)... we're looking at around 500 hours of work. That's an absolutely disgusting number. I feel like I need a shower. I'm need to go make some friends...Seriously like, most nights over the summer I logged about 5-6 hours of work. Sure, there were days I didn't do any, and some days where I only got an hour or 2 in, but there were an equal number of days where this is all I did from sunrise to sunset. I'm obviously a very shitty animator if it takes me that long to make a 3 minute cartoon. That's fucking embarrassing. It's a good thing that I'm not humiliating myself by blatantly publishing that shameful number on the internet for the entire world to see. Yuck. That's the most amount of time I've ever spent doing anything. If not, it's neck and neck with masturbating.

Chapter 2: The Story Continues... Help me out here.
And to be honest, I'm not sure I can draw the line at 500. I am, after all, not fucking done with the cartoon yet! I have to do the "epilogue" because I was too slow to finish the thing the way it was meant to be finished. There shouldn't even BE an epilogue! GAAAH!
So I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet. Should I insert the epilogue into the Gone Too Far Too flash file and reupload it?
That could be a problem because then anyone who wants to see the epilogue will have to re-find this flash, or I'll have to advertise it, and I feel like the vast majority of people who watched aren't ever going to get to see it. They won't know its there.
Or should I upload it as an entirely separate flash? (Gone Too Far Too Too. Gone Far Enough. Gone Too Far Too Point Five.)
The problem with doing that is that it's only going to be about 30 seconds long. Seems like a waste.
What do you think? Talk to me, sport. Let's figure this out.

Chapter 3: The Last of a Lot of Things
Gone Too Far Too is the last cartoon I'm ever going to use commercial audio in (unless you count the still-in-progress Flash Dancer 2... which you should, but I'm not gonna). There's a lot of ways I should be making money with my cartoons that I'm not because I'd be breaking the law thanks to commercial audio.

It's also the last time I'm going to put such an unnecessary amount of detail into the artwork. Seriously, I get that its nice to look at when you pause it, but spending an hour on a frame that's going to appear for literally 1/30th of a second is lunacy. It's not worth it. It really really isn't. Don't try to change my mind on this. Drawing every blade of grass around a tombstone in the distant background is retarded when the viewer will miss it if they blink at the wrong time.

This is going to be the last time I use Actionscript 2.0. It's time to man up and take on AS3. It's time to actually use some of the new tools they've added since Flash 8.

It's the last time I animate at 30 fps... probably. 24 is good enough, I think. I'm not ready to call this one yet, but 30 fps is a real hassle for a number of reasons. I think I'll be happier if I make the change. 6 less drawings per second of animation will save me a shitload of time.

I think it's going to be the last time I enter a contest here on Newgrounds, too. 50% of my flash uploads have been for the contests. That's faggoty. First of all, I don't want people thinking I'm greedy, and only upload stuff to Newgrounds because I can win money by doing it. Second, it obviously takes me a long time to make my cartoons, and if I'm spending all my time making Christmas and Halloween animations, I'm not going to be happy with myself. I need to spread my wings. I realize Gone Too Far Too doesn't technically count since I'm disqualified for the commercial audio thing, but it's still going in the Halloween Collection, isn't it?

Chapter 4: What's Next (Collab?)
Next, besides the stupid epilogue shit, is exciting. One thing I guess I'll get out of the way right off the bat.... yknow Flash Dancer 2? How many of you are waiting for me to finish that? 10? I think that's a fair estimate. Well I've got some bad news for those 10 of you. My motivation to finish that is looooong gone. I started it literally the day after I finished Flash Dancer 1. I've worked on it, and put it on hold, worked on it, and put it on hold, etc. I'm like, a minute and 40 seconds into it I think. I don't care about it anymore. It's a waste of my time to try to finish it.
Still though, I feel bad about just dropping it and letting all that work go to waste. It's a mildly entertaining 1 minute and 40 seconds, after all.
So I just had a stellar idea: Collab? I think it could be done, I just need some good animators that are interested. I've never done a collab before. The idea intrigues me. Let me know. PM me, IM me on AIM or Skype (I'm DonkeysBazooka on both), email me, whatever.

Beyond that, I'm gonna make a web series. It's been in development hell since 2007. Time to pick up the torch and run with it. That's enough about that for now.

Chapter 6: What Happened to Chapter 5?
I dunno.

Chapter 7: The End.
The End.

K, that's done.


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - August 6th, 2010


Allow me to start with something most of you will care more about than the actual intention of this news post. Goodness knows I always aim for your approval.

So George Lucas is giving 50% of his wealth to charity.

What a selfish prick! The man is worth $3 billion! Does he really need that $1.5 billion? If I were one of the kids with Children's Diabetes I'd just take photos of myself frowning at a piece of cake that I can't eat and mail it to him. Then I'd die and mail him a picture of my coffin.

I'm a wiz at makin' people feel guilty. Even from beyond the grave.

They can't even have cake, George Lucas! Is your fat ,white, rich life really more important than fuckin' that?

_______________________

now about the title of this news post:

that goal of mine to finish this cartoon by August 7th? completely failed.

how close did I come? I'm not even close. It's embarrassing how not close I am. I'm completely done up through 3984 frames. The final thing is going to be around... 7000...man.... the reality of that just set in while I was typing it... :-/

am I ready with an excuse? You bet I am. It's not like I haven't been trying. I've worked on it just about every night since I began. Hours every night. It turns out, animation is just a lot of work!

Particularly, since I'm using a very complicated art style. This is, hands-down the best looking thing I've ever made, and I'm very proud of the results. I knew what I was getting myself into when I started making it all detailed, and adding shading to all the animated characters and running it at 30 frames per second, but I figured if I started in fucking MAY I'd have time to finish before the clock ran out on me.

Buuut it looks like I overestimated my ability as an animator in-spite of the fact that I gave myself such a huge amount of time.

Oh, and to clarify, the reason I needed the Halloween Flash done by August 7th is because I'm heading to Los Angeles that day to start an internship and take classes and date celebrities and what-not. My schedules going to be tighter than a nun, and if its taken me 3 months to get halfway finished with this thing on an open schedule... how much am I going to get finished in the next 3 months?

I did the math, and the answer is shitty. I'm really not very good at math, so there's a glimmer of hope, but fuck just the same.

________________________

also, I'd like to take this opportunity to invite you to follow me on twitter.

and now i'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for wasting your time inviting you to follow me on twitter.

your friend and mine,
James

its still july right?  no?  then fuck.


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - June 25th, 2010


okay, here's the weekly whatever.

um.. i'm completely done with about 1 minute 15 seconds, and i have the preliminary sketchy bullshit animation done up to 1 minute 45 seconds-ish.

i am basically shitting my pants about getting this done before august 7th. but try as i might, i dont see how i'm ever going to do this. that doesn't mean i'm not going to try, im just praying for a miracle.

and thats a problem in itself since the only miracle i can feasibly pray for is that i suddenly develop more talent.

and in that sentence lies an additional problem in that i don't know who i'm praying to, given the that god doesnt exist.

but ah well.

now that's what i call a screenshot!

oh, be tea double you, if it looks as if all the screenshots ive posted all have the same background and look really similar, that's because i'm only picking screens from the very beginning, cause anything later would reveal too much.

and i'm all about surprises. so suck it

damn, right, i guess i should do one of these...


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - June 16th, 2010


this is just that weekly thing i'm holding myself to to make sure i bust my ass on the damn animation.

... that's about it. it's coming along slowly, as usual. though i did get a whopping 6 seconds done last night! :-O

but other than that... yeah... screenshot?

sure, i guess.

even the screenshot is boring. what a bad news post. no wonder you hate me

i wouldn't bother reading this.  i have nothing important to say.


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - June 9th, 2010


Dear Diary,

Good news about that file size problem. I got it down from 18.9 MB all the way to 3.9 MB. I think we're clear for take off. So you can stop worrying.

Also, today I hit the 45 second mark on my Halloween flash. 2 weeks ago I said I'd reached 30 seconds. I may have been rounding up a tad back then, but this time I assure you I'm being honest. In truth, that number scares me a little. With the final cartoon slated to be over 4 minutes long, that puts me at less then a quarter of the way done with only 8 weeks left to work on it. I need to be done by August 7th, because I'm not gonna get to work on Flash for the rest of the year after that. And for some reason, no matter how many anxiety attacks I have at home and at work, time doesn't seem to be slowing down.

It's not that I mind living on only 4 or 5 hours of sleep per night. It's just that, my boss tends to frown upon making up for my lost sleep while I'm still clocked in. He's all "We're not paying you to sleep, Jamie!"

And I'm all, "That's what she said."

And he's all, "That doesn't make any fucking sense! I'm cutting your pay! And I'm sleeping with your girlfriend!"

And I'm all, "Whatever. ZZZZZZZZZ."

That's not snoring by the way, I actually looked at him and said, "ZZZZZZZZ."

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. The flash. Now I remember. Sorry to get sidetracked there, Diary. That's been happening a lot lately. Often while I drive. I usually rely on the shrill sounds of shrieking women and children to snap me back to consciousness. Speaking of which, I should really get some new windshield wipers. All they do is smear the blood, and it makes it even harder to see.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. The flash. Well that about wraps up everything I have to say about the flash at this point. Thanks for listening. You're such a good listener.

Gosh, I sure hope nobody stumbles across this diary entry. It's private, don'tcha know. I think someone would have to be a real poopface to read someone else's private thoughts. Or just human. Yucky.

K, bye.

Love,
James

P.S. That growth is getting bigger. I might have to get it looked at, cause pretty soon I'm not going to be able to cover it up with a scarf anymore. Not because I don't have a big enough scarf but because all my scarves are wool, and its almost summer. And you know what that means. Moths. Moths love wool.

P.P.S. I think Tom is sooooooo cute. <3

week #3... or is it 4?... shit, i've lost count already...


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - June 1st, 2010


30 seconds in, the file size of the .swf is 18.5 MB. i expect the final thing to be over 4 minutes.

thaaaaaat's not good.

I'm doin' something way wrong. And I have no idea what.

Any ideas? (And you'll forgive me if most of what you suggest i've already tried.)

UPDATE: okay... well i think i know a big part of the problem.... i'm just going to ignore it for now though and worry about it when i go to upload a 60 MB file in October. then its Tom's problem.

UH-OH! :( - huge file size problem. any suggestions?


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - May 24th, 2010


already got more than 30 seconds of animation done. 30 seconds in... roughly a week. the final thing is going to be about 4 minutes or so. i need to be done by mid-August. at the rate I'm going.... i may just barely make it...

the 30 seconds i got done were simple... its the last 3.5 minutes that suck. I'm gonna do a front page post a week. i'm hoping it'll keep me committed to my work. y'know how like in weight-watchers they have you weigh yourself every week and report to someone? so if you're not doing good enough, they can make you feel bad? and since you're so depressed about your failure, the only way to cope is by eating tons of ice cream? well i'm hoping this goes something like that.... meaning.... i guess if i don't animate enough... you guys are gonna hurt my feelings... and i'm gonna like.... waste time doing something else... or something....

yo, fuck analogies! i'm getting back to work.

here's a walk cycle that's badly colored because of the limited color spectrum of GIF images

oh it's good to be back


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - May 11th, 2010


No more pencils, no more books. I'm finished with my junior year of college! High five!

That gives me until the middle of August to do whatever the FUCK i want! And what I want is to ANIMATE!

Hell yeah, slut! I haven't touched my tablet since I finished Snowfall back in January. I hope its just like riding a bicycle. Because I don't plan to get much exercise over the next couple of months. I'm just gonna plant my skinny white ass in front of the computer and make stuff!

(before anyone gets there hopes up or down, that implies maybe 1 or 2 animations over the course of a 3 month period... i'm slow, what can I say?)

I had a kickass time at the NG Philly-Baltimore meet and met a lot of the people I didn't think I'd ever meet. And I've got a fine parking ticket to help me remember it. Mmmm.

Graphic novel is in production, in case youre interested. But fuck you, that's enough typing. I'm getting back to flash! Woohoo!

P.S. Jesus has nice abs, doesn't he? I've gotta get a hold of his workout video, "The Body of Christ." Only $19.95 +shipping and handling. Order now with your credit card and Jesus will give you a rim job, absolutely free!

i'm fuckin done!


Posted by DonkeysBazooka - April 6th, 2010


It's April already and I've only made one flash this year... and I don't really have anything to release anytime soon either... I'll have to do something about that...

IN OTHER NEWS:
My partner and I have selected an artist for the Graphic Novel we're workin' on! So that's finally underway, and I am very very pleased. I originally was hoping for someone who could draw at least as well as me... but man, now that I've seen her stuff, I'd be embarrassed if the artist could only draw as well as me. What I mean is, SHE'S AWESOME, and makes my artistic ability seem horrifically inferior.
So expect that graphic novel to be published by early next year! :-D

I uh... think that's all... I totally have more I could say, but I hate being the focus of my own news posts so like... yeah.... i'll talk to ya later, gentlemen. (cause you know not a single woman will read this)

..SHIT NO WAIT! I thought of something!

I'm a faggot on twitter now. Follow me and I'll toss your salad or something... but only if you're a dude. I'll be havin' none of that "vagina" stuff.

Really though, I don't understand twitter. Especially right now when I have 0 followers. What the hell would I bother tweeting anything for? While I don't completely REGRET signing up, it does make me hate my own existence.

Bye, now!

P.S. Seriously though, I almost hope I don't get any followers, because right now I find it hilarious. I'm just like some kid sitting quietly by himself in the cafeteria, occasionally voicing a "hey guys, i'm still all alone." in between sobs, and nobody hears him. I'm like a ghost. Shit, I didn't know they were letting ghosts have twitter accounts now! I'm gonna go subscribe to Genghis Khan's feed! He's prolly got loadsa shit to say!

P.P.S. I'm totally following Genghis Khan now. Can I get a hell yeah?